The text in question from the Apostle Peter is from 1 Peter 3:1-12.
1 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 as they observe your pure conduct with fear.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands,
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
8 Now to sum up, all of you be like-minded, sympathetic, brotherly, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
10 For,
“THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS,
MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
11 “HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD;
HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
12 “FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS,
AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER,
BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.” 1 Peter 3:1-12
Commands or advice?
When writing this, piece, for the sub-head “Helpful commands for husbands and wives from the Apostle Peter.”, initially I had used advice instead of commands but had to stop and look at the text again, to correct myself, this was not advice but in fact an imperative, in other words commands. Let’s keep that in mind as we continue.
Commands to wives
1 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
Wives are to be subject to their husbands, even if they are not Christians but unbelievers, so that in doing so these unbelieving husbands might be won over to Christ, and not by words but by the unbelieving husbands observing their wives pure conduct with fear.
Does that mean that if the husbands of these Christian wives are believers that the wives don’t need to be subject, of course not as many other verses in scripture command the same e.g. Eph 5:22, Eph 5:24, Col: 3:18, 1Pe 3:1.
2 as they observe your pure conduct with fear.
Wives are to have pure conduct before their husbands, and of course at all times. How different this is from the lewd, gaudy, loud and combative women of today.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands,
6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION.
Today it’s about the external, about attention and validation, it should not be this way. Women should be more concerned with internal beauty than the fleeting external. Woman be concerned not with clothing, jewellery and other adornments, but rather with (I can in no way, shape, form or imagination say it better than scripture) “the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
True beauty is from inside, “the hidden person of the heart”. In other words who are you truly, not external paint job or in the women of today’s case, the bodywork (the panel-beating and filler etc.).
Yearn after true and incorruptible beauty, which is “the quality of a lowly and quiet spirit…”. Scripture goes on to say that these things are precious in the sight of God. Think about how astounding that statement is? These attributes mentioned are precious in the sight of the everlasting Creator of the universe, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Should these not be a top priority for wives?
In verse 5 it goes on to mention the holy women who came before us adorned themselves with these things. Let this be an encouragement to wives everywhere.
Commands to husbands
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
I’ll summarise the above as follows: Husbands, love your wives!
Eph 5:25 says this: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”. And Col 3:19 for good measure.
What does this mean or what does this look like?
Husbands are to remember that their wives are the weaker vessel, you are the man – she is the woman) and thus you should be gentle and patient with her. You are to protect her and honour her as she is your crown Pro 12:4, she is your glory. At least an excellent wife is, according to Proverbs 12:4 and the opposite is rather bleak, a wife who causes shame is rottenness in your bones.
But let’s get back to Peter’s commands to husbands: Husband, you are to remember that your wife is a fellow heir of life i.e. a fellow slave of Christ, just as you are. If you obey these commands, to ensure your prayers are not hindered, as the end of verse 7 says.
Ep 5:25 clearly commands husbands to love our wives, and it spells out the way husbands should love their wives:
In the way that Christ loved the church by giving Himself up for her. The imperative is clear: husbands are to sacrificially love their wives, putting their wives before themselves i.e. true needs before their own. “True” being added and italicised to bring pause and consideration – husbands are to lead their wives and families; this is a critical way part of the way they love their wives, especially in this day and age with men kowtowing to women.
Husbands, you are to lead your wives, to love them and your family, for ultimately you are responsible for them before the Lord.
To both husbands and wives
8 Now to sum up, all of you be like-minded, sympathetic, brotherly, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
Both husbands and wives are to walk in agreement with one another, be gentle with one another, and understanding always. Humble in spirit is mentioned, this humility is critical.
There should be no vindictiveness, there should be no one-upmanship. If one reviles you, there should be no retaliation, although do not revile to start with is ideal, rather, “give a blessing instead”.
Let husbands and wives always remember that our Lord, the Creator of the universe was reviled and did not revile in turn but kept quiet and even prayed for those who were rejecting Him.
And why should husbands and wives obey these commands?
I’ve leave you with the final section of the text:
10 For,
“THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS,
MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
11 “HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD;
HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
12 “FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS,
AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER,
BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”